Faith Across Generations: The Lasting Influence of Grandparents
Grandparent, never underestimate the importance of the relationship you're building with your grandchild, even if much of that relationship happens from a distance.
Tonight I found a 40-year-old letter tucked into a scrapbook. The letter was from my Paye Paye, my dad’s mother. This long-forgotten letter was a response to one I had written to her as a child. In it, she answered my questions about what she had been sewing and asked me about what I had recently learned to cook. Although I never lived near my grandparents, the relationships we shared felt close and special.
My mom’s grandchildren, my children who are 19 and 22 and my nephews, did not grow up near their grandparents, either. Although they are now in their late teens and twenties, they still reach out to their Nana with prayer requests, to share good news, and simply to check in. These relationships began before they were born, and she invested in them with each passing year. Over time, she earned the right to speak into their lives, help shape their character, and ask about their adult relationships with Jesus. Her Christian influence will continue to impact them even when she is with Jesus one day.
Scripture gives us a beautiful picture of this kind of generational influence in the relationship of Lois, Eunice, and Timothy. Paul wrote to Timothy:
“I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also.” (2 Timothy 1:5, NIV)
While the discipleship of children is largely entrusted to parents, grandparents can have a significant, long-lasting impact on the lives and faith of their grandchildren.
Research supports this idea. The Longitudinal Study of Generations followed families across multiple generations and found that grandparents could influence their grandchildren's religious beliefs and practices independently of parental influence. In other words, grandparents may have a spiritual influence all their own.
Grandparents have a unique opportunity to influence the faith of their grandchildren. While parents live day-to-day with their children, grandparents bring a different perspective. Time spent with grandchildren may be less tied to the hurried schedules and responsibilities of everyday family life. A loving relationship that begins in infancy can span decades, providing a lifetime of stories about God's faithfulness and a steady presence through the milestones and changing seasons of a child's life.
Consider the learning opportunities grandparents have with their grandchildren. Among other things, my grandparents taught me to fish, shuck corn, bargain shop, and cross-stitch. Life skills like baking, woodworking, or fixing cars provide not only opportunities to teach children how to do something new, but also natural openings for conversations about Jesus.
Instead of just teaching a child to fish, why not talk about how Jesus called fishermen to follow Him (Matthew 4:18–22) or how He helped fishermen catch a boat full of fish after an unsuccessful night (Luke 5:1–11)? When shopping for good deals, consider sharing how all that we have comes from God and that we should spend in ways that honor Him. When fixing a car, talk about how each part is important, much like the Body of Christ has many parts and each one is needed (Romans 12:4–8; 1 Corinthians 12:12–20).
Grandparents are known for telling stories, so why not include stories of God’s faithfulness observed through the decades? Grandparents have life experiences, moments of hardship, and practical examples of God’s provision. Sharing these stories gives grandchildren real-life examples of what it looks like to follow God faithfully.
Consider sharing the answers to questions like these:
What is one way you have seen God at work in your life?
When have you sensed God speaking or leading you? What did you learn?
What book of the Bible or Bible verse has been especially significant to you?
Have you ever experienced something you considered miraculous?
Tell about a time God answered a prayer.
Many children expect to hear from their grandparents on birthdays and special occasions. One place grandparents often shine is in celebrating the milestones in a child’s life, from the moment a child is born to the day she walks across a graduation stage, and all the moments in between.
With each milestone, grandparents can be present in person or participate from a distance. They can send a card, mail a gift, watch the video, or make a phone call. And these milestone connections can go beyond simply saying, “Congratulations!”
When a child transitions to a new school, a grandparent might share that she is praying for new friendships and for the child to show the love of Jesus to others. When a teenager gets a driver’s license, a grandparent might send a Bible verse to keep in the car or write a note that says, “I'm praying God keeps you safe and helps you make wise choices with this new freedom.”
Grandparents can use these milestone moments to help their grandchildren interpret their lives through the lens of faith.
For a more extensive list of milestones and ideas for celebrating them, see my book Helping Your Kids Follow Jesus, available through ElainePendergrass.com.
Another way grandparents can help is to partner with parents to guide children toward Jesus. Grandparents can intentionally join the parents’ discipleship team by asking questions such as:
“What are the kids learning at church?”
“What are you working on with her right now?”
“Is there something you'd particularly like me to pray about?”
“How can I reinforce what you're teaching him?”
Children’s ministry leaders can help grandparents become intentional partners in a child’s faith formation, too. Consider inviting grandparents and grandparent figures to join the ministry’s e-newsletter list so they know what children are learning and what is happening in the ministry. Regularly share specific ways grandparents can serve or pray for the children, families, volunteers, and ministry. And don't limit “What We Learned This Week” information to something sent only to parents. Post the Bible story, Scripture, or big idea in places the whole congregation can see it, such as the church bulletin, worship screens, or an e-newsletter. A grandparent who knows what a child is learning on Sunday has a natural opportunity to ask about it during a phone call, a video conversation, or afternoon together. Churches can help grandparents recognize that they aren't simply spectators in children's ministry. They can be valuable partners in helping faith take root in the next generation.
As children move into adolescence and naturally begin establishing an identity apart from their parents, grandparents may occupy a unique relational space. They can remain a steady source of encouragement, perspective, family history, and faith. During these years, relationships with trusted adults outside the immediate parent-child relationship can be especially meaningful, and a grandparent may fill that role beautifully.
In a study examining children's own descriptions of their grandparents, researchers Holly Catterton Allen and Heidi Schultz Oschwald found that grandparents nurtured their grandchildren's relationships with God in remarkably ordinary ways, including prayer, stories, example, quiet witness, availability, love, grace, and mercy.
What might that kind of spiritual influence look like today?
Have a video call and share a bedtime prayer.
Include a handwritten prayer in a graduation card.
Send a text with a Bible verse and say, “This Scripture made me think of you today.”
Call to check on a grandchild who has just moved away from home and ask how you can pray for him.
Send a gift card with a note to celebrate with a special treat after the first day of school.
When a parent shares a good choice your grandchild made, write a note saying, “One of the things I'm most proud of is the kindness I see in you. It reminds me of Jesus.”
Ask what your grandchild is learning at church and continue the conversation.
Tell your grandchild about a time when God was faithful to you during a difficult season.
Write out a prayer specifically for your grandchild and mail it to her, just because.
My grandmother probably didn't imagine that decades later I'd pull her letter from an old scrapbook and read it again. She was simply writing back to her granddaughter.
Grandparents may never know which words will remain or which memories will last a lifetime. The card mailed for a first day of school may inspire a grandchild to do the same for his own children one day. The prayer written before a baptism may remain on a mirror for years to come. The Scripture tucked into a graduation card may be memorized and remembered on difficult days. The phone call made during a hard semester at college may provide the encouragement to keep trying when life seems too difficult.
Spiritual legacy is rarely built in one grand gesture. It's built through a lifetime of small, faithful ones.
When these small acts are repeated over a lifetime, they say, “I see you. I love you. I'm interested in the person you're becoming. And I'm praying for you as you learn to follow Jesus.”
